Slaves of the Fashion Industry

 Happy Saturday and a Happy New Year to you all!

Let's start 2014 on a topic considered to be a great pillar of gothic culture- fashion!

credit: attitudeclothing.co.uk

Due to the grand amount of snow we had here, this last week at work has been exceptionally slow. No one wants to go look at glasses or get adjustments or even make their appointments in snow and subzero temperatures. Since all of my work was caught up, I decided to pass the time flipping through the most recently copy of InStyle that happened to be lying in my office.

Yikes. Just... yikes. I did not see style. I did not see fashion. I saw shapeless garments in clashing colors with celebrity endorsements. I saw slovenly, overpriced ensembles that absolutely no one would be able to pull off.. and yet, I know far too many people that buy into it all and mindlessly follow these gaudy trends.

Fashion is fun, yes, as it should be. It shouldn't have rigid rules.. but you still have to make judgement calls and just realize if something looks awful. No wonder there's an expiration on these fads, ie "those pants are so 2012!" because no  one really likes them to begin with!

The great thing about us goths is that our look overall is (more or less) timeless.. we borrow influence from beautiful eras of human history- Victorian times,  medieval era, ect.. fashions that have already stood the test of time and passed with flying colors... we stick to basic black and intricate details with subtle accents of varying shades of silvers, reds, and purples. Of course gothic fashion has its own internal trends every decade, but most of us still roll our eyes at the passing fads of stirrup pants and baggy sweaters.

But no matter what decade it is, there is one feature in gothic culture that stays constant-- we wear what we like, what makes us happy, what brings us back to golden times in our lives-- and we do not let the opinions of others dictate our wardrobes. We discover our fashion influences beyond the glossy, air brushed pages of Cosmo. In the music we listen to, in the museums we visit, the antique shops we browse, the funerals we attend.

 What amused me most about that particular issue was that it was the dress for 'your shape' issue. Now listen here, fashion industries, this lady knows a bit about dressing with generous curves, and your 'style tips' flatter NO ONE. Also, your 'diverse body shapes' all look the same, more or less.

 .. and anyone who falls beyond these 'diverse' body types is exiled to the land of frumpy granny muumuus.

 So one can only imagine my frustration with this magazine and their definition of fashion. I had a chat with two of my closest lady friends and we decided we could make a better magazine ourselves. If we ever did, I already know the summary of my article. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:

DARQUE~FASHION! by The Gothic Optician

Want to conceal and flatter your hips?

 Fashion magazines suggest donning a tent made out of your least favorite bed sheets. Don't fall for this!

 The secret is balance. Emphasize your waist and balance your hips. Hiding is just lazy. Fishtail/Mermaid skirts are made for full hips! Plus, it looks quite fancy.

hipsandcurves.com

Image found on Pinterest

 Want to make your bust appear fuller?

 InStyle recommends covering yourself in an oversized sweater to convince others you're hiding something big.

 Yeah, because it's common to confuse Bill Cosby with Dolly Parton.

Instead, try a baby doll/ empire waist style. It shows off the bustline and flatters the tummy.

Ruffles also do this.

 Again, thick belts give the impression of a smaller waist, therefore, a larger bosom.
Belts are just awesome. They're my current favorite accessory. They have the torso-defining capabilities of a corset, but are a better choice for more casual settings.

  
Want to slim your arms?

Most fashion publications advise, yes, you guessed it- dressing yourself in bag lady fashion.

No one looks good in shapeless clothing-no one. Always accentuate your curves; always embrace the body you were blessed with. Once more, my personal advice, is balance. Both bell sleeves and bat wings sleeves trim your upper arms while putting off an air of enchantment.

 Want to make your look more exciting?

 Most fashion 'experts' say the best way to look exciting is to wear as many loud, obnoxious, gaudy colors as possible.

 

A more aesthetically pleasing way to spice up your style is with detail- detail, that is, that compliments the complete look rather than clashes with it.

And speaking of accessories and details....

I have found this to be rather helpful when picking out necklaces.


In closing, my dear friends...

People are going to look at you. Odds are, if you're reading this, you're different. People are going to stare, so give them plenty to stare at- chains or lace, fishnets or ribbons, studs or ruffles, velvet or vinyl- wear what you love and hold your head up high!Be you, because that's what makes you beautiful!

And don't over think it! Be like Marla Singer from Fight Club- just throw some things together. I guarantee you that if you wear it with confidence, it'll look 1000x's better than these outfits that overpaid wardrobe assistants have carefully planned and pieced together to look as though it was thrown together.

 

 

Think for yourselves- you don't need some uppity priss with a grey streak in her hair with her token gay friend in his mid-twenties tell you what you what to or..*ahem* what not to wear.

Stay fierce and stay spooky,
Sea, the Gothic Optician, A.B.O.C.

Some Insight on my Profession/ Bonus Q&A

Greetings my spectacled spookies!

Often when I meet new people, the topic of "So what exactly is it you do for a living?" pops up. Whenever I give the answer, be it worded as "Optician," "Optometric Technologist," or "Optical Technician," I'm typically received with a blank stare, a half smile, and "So....what is it you do for a living?"

Every clinic assigns different duties to their optical staff. At my place of employment, the opticians are trained to be Jacks of (nearly) all trades. We can assist with pre-testing-- think "One or Two?" and "Read the bottom line for me"-- and we run the testing machines, particularly the ones that test patients' side vision and read their eye pressures. In addition, my particular clinic is a learning institution. We train students in their final year of optometry school. My department guides these 'almost doctors,' in helping their patients decide on the best lens options for their needs and help expand on their knowledge of optics and eyewear. We also file insurances and give patients estimates on how much their glasses will be using those insurance benefits.

However, our main expertise is glasses, glasses, glasses! The purest optical work we do consists of buying frames that we think our clientele will like, determining what lenses and what prescriptions will work in what frames, verifying prescriptions, figuring why a patient can't see if they aren't adapting to their new script, adjusting glasses, and repairing frames. My favorite among these are repairs!! :D

My brother's actual glasses after a very scary car accident.

Why? For one, I get a great sense of fulfillment when helping people, especially when it comes to eyesight. I myself am pretty nearsighted, and I know how tough it can be to go without glasses for any period of time. As horrible as it sounds, it's also good for my pride. Patients get this look of wonder, as though I'm some great wizard or engineer who did the impossible- I must be magic! I've actually had patients ask to look at my hands because they couldn't believe I was able to fix their glasses. Of course, I think the main reason I love repairs is that I love a challenge. I love the balance of working with my hands and planning with my brain. I look at each realignment as a geometry problem. Both sides must be symmetrical (in standard alignment anyway- people are often asymmetrical and the glasses must reflect that in order to fit), all angles should match, both left and right. And I love the glasses that are completely mangled and in need of new temples, nose pads, nylon cords, ect. The ones I have to basically rebuild I lovingly refer to as "Frankenstein glasses" because I use so many random spare parts.

Uhh....not quite what I meant.

My favorite type of repair is actually one I used to be afraid of. Why? Because it consists of a searing, red hot staple being very close to my hands. And sparks. And lots of smoke.

^The above shows the correct tool, however the use of it is entirely different. Maybe I'll have to make a hot staple video of my own......

It's called the hot staple or hot fingers technique. Basically, we use an instrument that holds and heats regular office staples to red hot temperatures. While holding this device with one hand, the optician must steady the frame parts in his/her other hand, making everything aligned while the scorching hot staple melts through the plastic, mending the pieces together, then acting as a brace once it's cooled. Many times it's a two person job. One person holds the two broken pieces together while the other person drives in the staple. I'm quite proud of myself, however, for having mastered the solo technique. This bad boy is my current pride and joy. These glasses were broken beyond repair--or so I thought!  The metal hinge had basically ripped away from the plastic completely. But alas! Where there is intact plastic, there is hope. I had to use four staples (usually only two are needed) to properly steady it, but by Joe, it worked!

Now it does look pretty fierce, the staple ends sticking out and whatnot, but it's not very safe. After I took the photos, I then snipped the ends and used a metal file to smooth everything over.

SAFETY FIRST, KIDS!

So there's a little insight on what I do. I may elaborate more in the future about how we check glasses prescriptions or how we use ultrasonic frequencies to clean glasses in the future.

I've gotten a few questions asked recently that I'd like to address because I'm often asked the same by my patients.

Fist question comes from my very dear friend Catie. Catie asks:

"What exactly is that green stuff that collects around my nose pads? Is it mold? Am I cleaning it wrong?"

This is a common concern, and I must say, you only have to worry about this if you're, well, human. This is caused by the natural oils, sweat, and debris on your skin mixing with the metal of your glasses and forming a chemical reaction of sorts. The result is a lovely green color. We in the optical profession call this "face cheese." Dandy, eh? Luckily, it's not toxic, just icky; there's bacteria in it, but it won't kill you. You can reduce the appearance and severity of this grime by regularly rinsing your glasses under hot water a few times a week, taking care to clean the bottom of your eye wire and along the nose pads. You can also take these in to your local optician for a deeper cleaning behind the nose pads and in all the nooks and crannies.

Teresa from Florida recently asked me via FaceBook:

"I just got new glasses with thick side pieces. When I got them home, I noticed they rock back and forth. Are they defective? Should I go back and ask for a refund??"

Again, this is completely normal and nothing to worry about. I'm assuming the glasses you picked out were spring-hinged, meaning they have a bit of give when you pull on the temple; this gives a more comfortable fit. The inside of the barrel that connects the temple to the hinge attached to the frame front is rounded, which can cause the temple to wobble left to right. This won't affect the fit of your glasses. All temples with spring hinges do this to some degree, but the wobbliness is more noticeable in the thick plastic temples. Now, if the rocking motion is also up and down and the temple just feels loose to you, you can always take it back to get it tightened. Only in that circumstance is there an issue, which can be easily solved by a few adjustments to the metal.

I hope these tips helped. Stay tuned for the next blog post, and as always, check out the Gothic Optician FaceBook page for bits of knowledge, photos, humor, and contests that don't make it to the blog. And as always, you're always more than welcomed to inbox me any optical questions or suggestions to make the blog more appealing.

Cheers!
Sea, the Gothic Optician, A.B.O.C.